Embrace conflict

One misconception that needs to be corrected is how we tend to avoid conflict and see it as something negative. The truth is we need to learn to embrace conflict. Accept it as part of business. Learn to manage it. Benefit from it. Conflicts arise due to differences in opinions. These differences can help us improve by spurring discussion and introspection. When we avoid conflict, often we only maintain superficial peace. Deep-rooted conflicts will fester and explode into bigger issues further down the road. People cannot work effectively when they are carrying unresolved conflicts. 

Find the common ground

When we examine conflict situations, we often find that both parties have valid points. It becomes difficult to decide how to proceed, because they are both right. They may have different priorities. They look at the matter from their different perspectives. We cannot convince them to give up their positions and do what the other party says. What we can do instead is to find a common interest between the two parties. What is one thing they both want? When we find one thing which they both agree on, it becomes possible for one or both of them to let go of their initial positions. Find a common benefit. Sometimes this can be a broader organisational objective. 

Analyse unmet expectations

In conflict situations when people voice their reasons for objecting to an idea, no matter how logical those reasons are, sometimes they might not be the true reasons. Yet we spend much time debating those reasons. We are distracted by what people say, and neglect to think about what is unsaid. 

Sometimes people object due to personal ego, or due to feeling their positions or interests being threatened. They would not state the real reason. In fact they may not even realise those are the real reasons. We do not have to state these reasons. Instead we take action to address them. By understanding the unmet expectations, it becomes easier to find a resolution. 

Empathise and understand emotions

Tempers flare when there is a conflict. We lose control of our emotions. We act aggressively and lose our rationality. This is when we need the power of empathy. By understanding and accepting why the other person feels the way they do, we can defuse the hostile situation and turn the conversation into a constructive one. Empathising doesn't mean agreeing with the other person. It simply means understanding and acknowledging their viewpoints. By articulating that and demonstrating that we appreciate their challenges and concerns, they will in return become more receptive to understand our challenges and concerns. Only then a more meaningful discussion can happen. 

Never get personal

We are professionals. We are here to work. To get things done. It should never be about the person. It is about the task at hand. There is an objective we want to achieve. It is not about whether it's your idea or mine. We just want to solve the problem. We must always respect others, because that is how we respect ourselves and our professionalism. We disagree because of the idea, not because of the person. 

We must have the self-awareness to not take things personally too. Objections and feedback from others must be examined fairly and not be hastily interpreted as personal attacks. 

Escalate

If all else fails, we may have to escalate the issue to a third party to help us mediate the conflict. This third party must be someone that both persons in the conflict trust and respect. It should not be someone whom the other person thinks of as being on your side, because the mediation would start on a wrong foot. 

When you get a third party involved, be ready to accept the judgement, which may not be in your favour. Otherwise why are you asking that person to mediate in the first place?